Friday, August 24, 2007


I wonder if laziness is related to depression. I mean, I'm happy with where I am in my life and I love my friends and my boyfriend and all that, but
I find it so hard to get motivated to do anything lately. When I'm here alone in my house I turn into a slob, and I don't enjoy it. I also think un-motivation is cyclical, because I sit here on the couch, thinking about doing creative stuff, and then I feel guilty because what I SHOULD be doing is the dishes, or the laundry, or the bathroom... and then I don't feel like it so I sit here and watch crap on tv or look at crap on the internet. And this is how my life seems to go since I graduated college. Sure i've had some periods where I was a little more proactively creative, like when I was working at the knitting store more, or when joe's home and we cook (we don't do it as much anymore), but for the most part, even when Joe is home we sit on the couch and watch movies until bedtime. NOthing gets cleaned, nothing gets created, I don't even knit so much anymore.
The only thing that seems to work even a little bit is company. We love to entertain and we like the house to look nice, so we get off our asses and clean up, but within a day or two it's back to being a pit.
Being messy really isn't what's bothering me so much though, I've always been this way. It's my total lack of motivation to paint or draw or do anything with my art materials. That's really it...I used to be messy BECAUSE I was too busy being creative to bother with cleaning up. Now i'm still messy because I feel like I should make stuff, but the passion isn't there, and then I feel bad about that, then I feel bad about living in such a mess.
Originally I told myself that this creative lull was just because I didn't have any space. Now I have the space, a whole extra room in which to work, and I just use it as a dumping ground for all our extra crap, and no matter how many hours I put into tidying it up, the clutter in there grows like mushrooms.
I can't even motivate myself to finish writing this damn knitting pattern for my scarf, I't 95% done, it's just not perfect, and not in the form I want it to be in (kits). I think i'm going to have to give up the kit dream though and just sell it from my webpage. I have about 3 or so other patterns i'm supposed to be writing up too... and about 10 started projects including some things I was hoping could be presents. I don't know what's wrong with me, I'm really not proud of this lazy slug who spends her evening eating baked beans out of a can for dinner and watching TLC, surrounded by dirty tea cups and over due DVDs.


Anonymous said...

hi there, i just came across your blog through serendipity and fell in love with your dragon scarf pattern. i'm kinda ducking a crapload of work, tormenting deadlines and general fear that the tiny corner of my world may come crashing down because i might not be able to meet those deadlines and let down a lot of people. at least that's how my heart feels. My brain knows better, it just needed a breather. And you have given it that and a space to run around and swing its arms and act childish. I hope you can find a bit of that kind of rejuvenating and inspiring time for yourself so you can ... FINISH THE SCARF PATTERN! we're all going bananas! ;-)

it's really fun and lovely.Congrats on it. If the love of your fans is not enough, then think about the oodles of cash you could make! Perhaps by yourself a spa treatment? a cabana boy? a bathtub full of ice cream (unless you're lactose intolerant - that would be a horrible thing ...)

but remember, the world won't crash in if you can't do it. Just a lot of luckless, scarfless, necks...

take it easy. good things are worth waiting for.

air-conditioned hugs to you.

Ilix said...

Take it easy. Lap up some down time, enjoy the movies, books of other things that are occupying your time, and in a bit..... it will come back to you. Sounds like you need a battery re-charge!

Lick My Sticks said...

Ugh, I am so right there with you. I've got some issues I'm well aware of that have really been getting me down...but I used to write, paint, craft, etc during my down times. I don't find comfort in that much anymore and that really bums me out, so I totally feel you there. I let my house get trashed (the dishes are ALL dirty right now and here I am on the internet) totally the same deal.

Unfortunately I have no idea how to make it better or I'd have made it better by now. All I can say is you're far from alone here, I'm right there with you. I hope you feel better soon...if you find the trick, let me know!